The two of you who actually read my blog might notice that I've deleted some older posts. This is because I am starting fresh.
Being 21 and not in school sometimes makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life. It's a frustrating situation that no one really understands. I know people think that I'm not in school because I'm lazy and just don't want to take the time so get the financial aspect straight. That's not it at all. I made financial mistakes when I first moved out of my parents house and I'm still paying for them. Until that's taken care of, I can't get a loan for $20, let alone the thousands of dollars it'd take to pay for school. I've never wanted to admit to anyone that I have financial problems. I never wanted to be seen as weak, or let people know that I've messed up. But I'm done worrying what people will think. It only makes me miserable. I'm going to start living for me. Living a life that will make me happy.
So what if I can't be in school. I'm not ready to settle down anyway. I want to travel, and see things that I won't be to see once I have a steady job and a family. I want to teach English to children in Greece, I want to stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower, and I want to swim in the Mediterranean. So maybe I'm not living my life the traditional way. Maybe I want different things than others my age want. And maybe, now, I'm okay with it.
I've always thought that my mindset on life was wrong. And I've tried so hard to live it the way I think I'm "supposed to". Though I'm not sure why. No one has ever pressured to me to do any certain thing. My parents always pushed me to find a path that's right for me, my friends will always be supportive no matter what path I choose. So I know that fear is what has kept me from pursuing the life of adventure that I so desire. It's scary to even consider taking the road less traveled, and even scarier to actually do it. But I know I won't be happy until I set free the dreamer within me.
I dedicate this post to my mom. Until recently, I think she was the only person to truly see the real me. She always encouraged me to dream as big and as far as I could. She saw my potential and she was my most enthusiastic cheerleader. I miss her and one day when I'm dancing in Paris, or when my first novel is published I know she'll be looking down on me with a huge smile because she always knew I could do it. Even if she isn't here to see me accomplish these goals, I know she'd be proud and that will be enough.
