In just a little over 24 hours, the much anticipated due date for Avonleigh will be here. I've been thinking for months now how wonderful it would be have a place to say all the things that are on my mind. My life has changed so much in the past year and sometimes I just need to write down my feelings and thoughts. I was reminded of my blog that I started three years ago and never kept up. No one reads this... at least, not to my knowledge, and that's okay. I don't need to write about new motherhood so that others can read it. I need to write about everything that's changing so that I don't ever forget it. I'm hoping that this bout of blogging fairs better than my previous attempts. That being said... I have a few things that I'd like to say in this "first" post.
Avonleigh Grace
You aren't here just yet, but you will be very very soon. I'm so excited to meet you. To finally put a face to the little kicks, punches, stretches, and hiccups I've been feeling for the past few months. I have a few confessions I want to make on this eve of your arrival.
-I already love you with a love that I didn't realize I possessed. I'm nervous and excited about what this love will feel like when your in my arms instead of my belly.
-I am constantly worried and scared of being a mother. It's a big responsibility and you will be counting on me for so much.
-These past 9 months have allowed me WAY to much time to over-prepare. I have read, researched, and studied all I can about caring for you and providing for you. You probably have a lot more things than you need but being prepared calms me.
-When I think about raising you by myself, I get sad. Not at all for myself. I don't mind doing it alone. I get sad for you because you are going to miss out on somethings because of my mistakes. One day, when you are much much older, we will have a real conversation about these things and I hope that when that time comes, you'll forgive me.
It feels nice to put some of that in writing. I think this blog thing could be very healthy for this single mom.
